A powerful antidote to loss is to develop new interests and, from that, a new sense of purpose and meaning. Some people with CFS and FM have taken the opportunity to return to art, crafts or other hobbies that had languished when they were busy with career and family.

 

Others see their illness as a challenge and find a sense of purpose in trying to understand their illness and to expand their area of control. Still others have found meaning in helping others. Whatever path they chose, these people found new ways to bring meaning to their life.

Focus on those things you can do, rather than on those you can’t, and congratulate yourself on your accomplishments. This is sometimes called adjusting expectations to a “new normal” and applies to all family members, not just the person who is ill.

 

One way to give positive meaning to life is to focus on gains that have occurred because of being ill. Some people with CFS and FM say they prefer the person they are today to the one before their illness, saying things like “the new me is a kinder, gentler and more caring person.”

 

Others say that in some respects they have a better life today than before they were ill, with the ability to focus on what is important and more time for relationships.

 

Some people find it helpful to look at their illness through the lens of gratitude, seeing their illness as a gift. For more, see two articles on self-help program website. 

One is a personal essay titled The Healing Power of Gratitude. The other summarizes research on the subject: Counting Your Blessings: How Gratitude Improves Your Health.

 

Between what you feel you have to do and the suffering imposed by illness, it is easy to let positive things slip out of your life. Anticipation and enjoyment of positive experiences counteracts suffering with pleasure and builds a positive sense of self-esteem. 

Enjoyable experiences may include the physical pleasure that comes from exercise, laughing, taking a bath, listening to or playing music or from intimacy.

 

Or it may be the enjoyment and satisfaction from keeping a garden, painting a picture or completing a crafts project. Or it may be the mental pleasure that comes from enjoying the beauty of nature or from reading a book or the spiritual satisfaction of meditation or prayer.

People in the self-help program report that their adjustment was improved once they found other people with CFS and FM who had made positive adjustments to life with long-term illness. 

Such people provide inspiration and practical ideas for successful adaptation. Also, comparing yourself to other people with CFS and FM is more appropriate than comparisons with healthy people.

Building a new life is difficult if family and friends have outdated and unrealistic expectations of your abilities. Educating them about your illness and limitations is one foundation for positive adaptation. As described in the Family and Friends section of the self-help program website, all members of the family have to accept a “new normal.”

 

Review what you’ve done so far to create a new life and plan your next steps by clicking on the worksheet and suggested steps links in the box above, to the right.